writelight.

i’m such an introvert. the older i’ve gotten, the more i’ve attempted to stretch myself and step out of it. at the same time, the more living i do, the more i see that i have to accept that i am inherently introverted and embrace it in order to be my happiest. especially since i’ve moved to new york, the more i’ve felt drawn to going out, enjoying the city, doing things with friends. and while that’s all well and fine, if i don’t also have lots of me time, i get really negative and anxious and then can’t enjoy anything. i think this is a really important thing to realize as i prepare to move overseas and start to pursue my arts education full-time.

i’m always reading up on introverts (i nearly weeped when i came across this a few years ago) and this week was extra fruitful. first, austin kleon, who i love, posted about introverts and a book he’d recently read, quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking by susan cain. hello, attention-grabbing title. i immediately added it to me reading list. then a few days later as i was catching up on some issues of o mag, i came across an article by susan herself. i identified with every single word in it. she outlined 6 main ways to foster the quiet we all possess, and i realized that with some i’m good and others i could work on. at one point i didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought and was introverted as everything. not surprisingly, this was also when i felt my most creative and was the most confident about it. ah, youth before the real world clotted me all up. i miss it sometimes. i need to get back to that, and un-learn a lot of things that are blocking my boldness. here’s my report card according to susan’s points -

talk deeply. me all day. you can miss me with the small talk. everyone who knows me knows this, and everyone who meets me finds it out pretty quickly. i don’t do much verbal talking period, so when i do, and for extended periods of time, it’s definitely going to be some type of meaningful conversation. i am also all about regular convos morphing into extended dialogues that cross over into many subject matters, though. i really think there’s something to be said about talking that catches the participants by surprise.

work alone. this has always been my favorite way to work. unfortunately, life since college hasn’t leaned toward it. growing up at home, my parents nicknamed my room hotel nuri, that’s how much time i spent in it. with college came roommates and a huge adjustment. the school’s huge library became my refuge. since moving to new york, i’ve had an endless litany of roommates, but always my own room. which is an ok solution, but not perfect. there are always loud footsteps, or loud talking, or loud music, or loud…other things. i’m really hoping i end up with some common-minded flatmates in london who understand the need for quiet. i’m living in university-provided housing for the first year, so chances are decent. one of my biggest dreams remains the time in life when i’ll be able to afford a place that is totally my own. i think then i’ll be able to finally feel what others do when they wax poetic and nonchalantly about getting tons of work done in one day without any interruptions.

read more. i think i’ve got this one covered. reading is a practice that opens me up in ways that nothing else can.

listen well. when i was a kid, i knew my ability to listen like a pro was one thing i had going for me. i just didn’t know that it correlated with being an introvert. it takes a special type of person to fully hear what another person is saying and not insert their personal experiences into what they’re being told. it’s something i actually put energy into honing. if i wasn’t a great listener, i wouldn’t be me. it’s also one reason why i don’t ever actively seek out being a leader (a post for another time)…and also why i think people see me as a leader, despite how much i try to fight it. one thing i need to work on with respect to this is how to know when a person doesn’t deserve my ear. i’ve learned that if you focus too much on listening to someone not worth it, you miss hearing other things.

get away, small space. refuge. restorative niches. i can’t function without them. whenever i have a big event / outing, i have to have time alone that is at least equal to (but oftentimes longer than) the amount of time i spent away. it’s one of my biggest quirks and the thing that most people don’t understand about me, but i don’t see it changing anytime soon. i’m a big reflecter / analyst and i usually digest and process during these times. this is why i cherish weekends so much.

use quiet commitment to achieve your goals. if “soft power” is not the best term ever, i don’t know what is. this is exactly how i lead when called to do so, and part of the reason why i don’t enjoy leadership is probably because i haven’t gotten the best reactions from supervising this way. i always knew there was a way to do this and be effective, i just haven’t figured it out yet. the key, i’m guessing, is to be resolute in it. i tend to waffle on how confident i am as an introvert. which all goes back to how i’ve been responded to in the past. the quote by professor preston ni that ends the article is one i need to internalize, “in the long run, if your idea is good and you lead with your heart, it’s almost a universal law: you’ll attract people who want to share your cause. soft power is quiet persistence.”

you can read susan cain’s full article here.

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